HOW TO BUILD A BRIDGE OF LOVE TO YOUR WIFE
By Frank Eiklor and Cecilia Contreras
LESSON 9
This lesson will offer some things I’ve learned—and am still learning—on how to build and maintain a bridge of love to the greatest human being that God ever created—my wife. It will cover three important parts—attitude, words and actions.
MARRIAGE ISN’T EASY
It is harder today to have a solid, scriptural marriage relationship than ever before. The competition for our attention is enormous. Materialism has caused many Christians to attempt to keep up with their neighbors. Many men have married their jobs—often at the expense of their marriage.
Extra-marital sex is no longer hidden. It is now “acceptable” under certain conditions. That’s more pressure on the marriage. An age of permissiveness and easy-to-buy drugs have put terrible pressure and anxiety on parents.
Modern “liberation” movements are causing many couples to be suspicious of each other. And finally, divorce is so easy to obtain that couples who normally would have tried to stay together through good times or bad instead just give up. That’s why this message is for mature people with mature minds who want to have a mature scriptural marriage.
WINNING ATTITUDES
1. My wife is God’s will for my life
My first attitude is that my wife is God’s will for my life. We were both committed Christians when we married, but that would still be my attitude even if we had married before accepting the Lord. Since God’s will is not always easy nor without pain, I recognize that part of my marriage will be difficult and painful.
2. Never threaten the word “divorce”
The Lord says that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). If God hates it, so must I, and I will not engage in any divorce attitudes, words or actions. Like many women whose husbands are involved in the ministry, my wife had her doubts and fears that her husband might one day look in another direction. However, as the years have gone by she has seen proof that I intend to love her until I breathe no more. That brings security to a wife even when misunderstandings or arguments occur.
3. Marriage is a miracle
One of the most important attitudes a husband can have is “Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25) I reflect often on the miracle of God ever giving me a woman who trusted her entire life into my hands. Talk about privileges! I must act as if I am the Lord Jesus and my wife is the Church. Jesus gave, gives, and will give all His love, attention and sacrifice for His body, the Church. That is also my privilege with my wife.
WINNING WORDS
1. Words are creative
Jesus said, “By your words you shall be justified and by your words you shall be condemned.” (Matthew 12:37) Speaking of the mouth, Scripture states “Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?” (James 3:11)
What were the words most of us men used when courting our wives? If someone would have recorded them so we could listen to them again, we would be amazed at our tenderness, romanticism and gentleness.
Why should our words change after we have won the girl we so ardently sought? Use those words again—“sweetheart”, “darling”, “my love”—with loving actions and she will respond with love and gratitude.
2. Compliment from the heart
Practice praising your wife for her good points. A woman needs—and appreciates—genuine compliments. But remember, compliments not followed by caring actions are empty and meaningless.
3. The tone of your voice
Body language and the tone of your voice can either irritate or inspire your wife. Whining, raising our voice in anger, complaining, etc is childish. As husbands we must learn to put away childish things (1 Cor. 13:11). Go to work on the tone of your voice.
4. A couple that prays together
A wife desires the security of her husband being the leader. There is enormous security generated in the heart of a woman whose husband picks up his Bible for a quiet time together each evening prior to sleep. My wife and I read a chapter together, but I take the initiative. No Christian woman wants to be the spiritual head of the house and endure a husband with little or no spiritual convictions. Along with reading the Word, a husband has the privilege of praying for his wife and thanking God aloud for giving him such a wonderful woman. This is therapeutic in the heart and mind of a wife and inspires her to be all that her husband believes her to be.
5. Be sensitive to her needs
A wise husband will periodically ask his wife how he’s doing. Robert never took time to allow Mary to share her inner feelings. He took it for granted that all was well even though Mary seemed to be pulling within herself. Believing that his being a good provider and lover was all that was necessary to meet Mary’s needs, Robert was insensitive to the fact that she needed him as her best friend. He learned too late after finding his wife a suicide and her heartbreaking note stating that she was so lonely and confused that she could no longer endure.
Husbands must get our security from Jesus and realize that He loves us just the way we are. Then let us dare to be vulnerable (love is vulnerable) and allow our wives to point out where we need to improve. Our wives have been given to us as “best friends” in order to help make us like Jesus. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6) would certainly fit the loving criticism given to me by a caring wife.
WINNING ACTIONS
1. Never compare
Never compare your wife to other women, be wise in your relationships with the opposite sex and let your wife know that she meets all your needs. These three principles will build her confidence.
2. Patience, patience!
Cultivate patience, compassion and a sense of romance rather than the foolish attitude of “I’m married, so what else is new?” “Me Tarzan, you Jane” may work in the movies but not in a marriage.
3. The tender touch
The tender touch and the compassionate word should continue through the years. How a wife craves these two deep needs in her life! The wise husband who has recognized the importance of touch and the wonder of gentleness in word and action will find his wife crazy about him whether in the vigor of his youth or later when the wrinkles settle in.
CONCLUSION
Ephesians 5:33 (Amplified Bible) is every husband’s command from the Lord, “let each man love his wife as being in a sense his own self…” If we lack that love, we can find a whole reservoir in Jesus. Let’s ask Him to deliver us from self-centeredness and fill us with an ocean of His love. Then, let’s turn on the faucets and release that love through tender words and actions that let our wives know that they are the greatest masterpieces that God ever created.
Next lesson—HOW TO BUILD A BRIDGE OF LOVE TO YOUR HUSBAND!
