HOW TO WITNESS TO LOVED ONES (AND FRIENDS) WHEN THEY DON’T WANT TO LISTEN!
By Frank Eiklor and Cecilia Contreras
LESSON 13 (Part 2)
THE GREATEST CELEBRATION
God wants to use you and I to win others to Christ. There is no greater thrill in life than to experience the Jesus who is alive and then lead others to the Lord. But when a family member or very close friend puts their faith in Jesus, we experience a special joy—especially if that person has resisted the gospel for a long time.
This lesson can help you reach out to loved ones or friends who usually will not listen to a verbal witness. It’s always time for an “action witness,” because actions speak louder than words. In Part 1 we discussed two important qualities that others must see in your life—1) CONSISTENCY and 2) BEING REAL (where you just enjoy being with them without trying to force on them your witness for Christ). Jesus Christ wants to love them through you. He alone has the power to make them spiritually thirsty and hungry for Him.
Be a “sermon in shoes” by letting your light so shine that difficult loved ones will be impressed by what they see. Here are six more godly qualities that must be in our lives in order to be an effective testimony—especially to those who don’t want to listen.
3. HUMILITY
Another way to witness to loved ones that don’t want to listen is through HUMILITY. Sometimes as Christians we think we have to be so spiritual or we will lose our loved ones if they even think that we do wrong. Stop worrying—they won’t think you can do wrong—they know you and I do wrong because loved ones know loved ones better than anyone.
I love Paul’s humility when the high priest had him slapped in the face. Paul lost his temper and delivered a verbal karate chop saying, “God shall slap you, you white washed pig pen.” (Acts 23:3 Living Bible) When he was informed he was addressing the high priest, he could have put on a spiritual air or excused his own rage. Instead, he admitted he did not know it was the high priest and that he should not have talked like that. What he was saying was, “I’m sorry.”
You may be a Christian, but you and I know we are no where near perfect. Be quick to admit your mistakes and sins that hurt anyone in your family. True humility always speaks louder than false pretense.
4. HONESTY
Next is a powerful ingredient called HONESTY. But honesty must be practiced without flying it like a flag. For example, a young man I think highly of asked me to lie if his wife called to ask if I had seen him. I simply told him that I would not do that, but that if she did not ask me, I would not volunteer the information. I didn’t look at him and give him a long sermonette like, “From the moment I accepted Christ as my Savior I stopped my lying (and of course, I did). And the day you accept Christ will be the day you no longer lie, either. Besides, all liars go to hell!” That’s like throwing cold holier-than-thou water in his face and he probably will begin to avoid you.
And talking about honesty, make sure your bills are paid on time and, if in doubt on your income tax, give it to the IRS. Don’t make many promises, but if you do make some, keep them at any cost. And be honest with your loved one’s time. If you have told him that you will meet him at a certain time, don’t arrive fifteen minutes late just because it’s your loved one. Be on time, even if the other person isn’t, because that’s a sign that you value that person’s importance.
5. STABILITY
Something else your loved ones must see in your life is STABILITY. For the first few years of my Christian life I’m sure that many of my loved ones may have looked at me as a little weird. You know, out there in a “beautiful isle-of-somewhere” with no real interest in the real world. Some probably thought, “My poor brother is going to be a minister. He must have failed at everything else.”
Now, almost fifty years later, my loved ones can see that God has been good to me. My face isn’t lined with marks of alcohol and my marriage is one that many people envy. God has provided all of our needs. We are exhibiting stability in the midst of some of our precious loved ones whose lives lack peace and deep joy. We don’t make them feel uncomfortable—we’re just available to love, love, love! Stability means that you and I run the Christian life like a race—with patience. (Hebrews 12:1) And long term stability is a great witness to loved ones who are watching others falling apart all around them.
6. COMPASSION
Another ingredient is COMPASSION. That comes with having a passion for God. By having a morning and evening devotional, you can open up to the passion of God that He feels toward human beings and then allow His passion to flow through you toward your loved ones.
The Bible says, “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”
(I John 3:18) Loving through actions means remembering anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions. It means helping that loved one when he or she is sick or hurting—without bragging about it. It means a card, a flower, even a letter or gift for no occasion at all—just because you genuinely love that person. That kind of love is hard to find—and hard to fight.
7. CONFIDENCE
The seventh important ingredient to add to your life and witness is the powerful force of CONFIDENCE. You and I must learn to be confident in God—even when our eyes tell us nothing is taking place with our loved ones. Ask your heavenly Father to save each of your family members just as he did for the Philippian jailer. (Acts 16:31) If He did it then, He can do it again. Praise God often—believing that He is working in the lives of your loved ones and using you as His physical representation of His loving concern for them. As you thank Him for your loved ones, you’ll begin to see qualities in their lives that you can really appreciate—even though they don’t yet know the Lord. And you’ll grow more confident in the Holy Spirit’s ability to convict of sin, righteousness and judgement (notice, that’s the Holy Spirit’s job, not yours or mine—John 16:8-11).
8. PATIENCE
The final ingredient is PATIENCE. Remember the prodigal son leaving his father, wasting his life and feeding the pigs? There’s an interesting scripture in Luke 15:16 that says: “And when he came to himself.” It took a long time for that point in his life to come.
What was the father doing meanwhile? No doubt praying for his son, loving him and believing that the good foundation he had given his son through his own example would finally bear fruit. The story says that “…when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him…(Luke 15:20). That means he was watching because he expected his prayers to be answered.
Your prayers will be answered too, my friend. Adopt a patient attitude of love. Ponder all the beautiful and positive points in those unsaved loved ones and let them know how much you appreciate being around them. Tell them with words that ring with sincerity and truth how much you love them. God will tell you when and how.
As you pray for that person, seek God’s wisdom in how to demonstrate compassion through new and unique ways. If that loved one brings up the Lord or a religious subject, make your point honestly, humbly and graciously. If he shows openness, go as far as you are allowed. That may mean all the way to commitment to Christ which will thrill God and you to no end. However, if that loved one lets you know through word or reaction that he has heard enough, back off and change the subject. Loved ones will appreciate your giving them space and it will give them further courage to bring up the subject again. Remember, you can’t pick green fruit.
CONCLUSION
What I have shared with you are not profound secrets. On the contrary, they are merely the honest lessons of life I’ve learned the hard way in how to witness to my loved ones, neighbors and friends when they don’t want to listen. If you know some further secrets, please share them with Walter and me so we can learn more. Now go to work loving your family members and others like they have never been loved before. And remember to pray this simple prayer, “Lord, let’s be partners in reaching my family and friends. I’ll love them and You change them.”
