HOW TO WITNESS TO LOVED ONES (AND FRIENDS) WHEN THEY DON’T WANT TO LISTEN!
By Frank Eiklor and Cecilia Contreras
LESSON 13 Part 1
IT’S EASY TO GET DISCOURAGED
There are many frustrated Christians who thought that the moment they gave their lives to Jesus all of their loved ones would shout “Hallelujah” and follow the pathway to the cross.
When that didn’t happen, many of my Christian friends became discouraged. Some called themselves failures, others doubted God’s reality or at least His willingness to keep His promises, and still others tried to force their loved ones into the Kingdom.
WHEN NOTHING HAPPENS
For years I prayed, claimed Acts 16:31, and bound every demon in hell. Then I started praising God for the answers, with no apparent change in loved ones. Sometimes they even seemed to move further away from God than before I had started to pray. There were times my faith was shaken and Satan was there to tell me that my prayers weren’t working. I tried the “repent or perish” message to loved ones and then the opposite extreme of the silent treatment. I heard about other well-meaning Christians leaving tracts in the bathrooms, under tablecloths and under loved ones’ pillows that only made them angry and bitter. Others learned a dozen different plans of salvation, hoping that one of them might push a “magic button” in their loved one’s heart.
DESPERATE SITUATIONS
I have had people in many different places of this world come to me with broken hearts. The Christian wife whose unsaved husband rejected her witness. The Christian teenager whose unbelieving parents were convinced his experience was fanatical and hoped it would soon pass. The believing husband whose wife yawned every time he brought up the name of Jesus. Each of these desperate people was looking deep into my eyes saying, “How can I witness to my loved ones, when they don’t want to listen?”
LEARNING FROM MISTAKES
This lesson may surprise you with its simplicity. You may wish it was “more spiritual”. That’s what they said about the epistle of James once—it was “too work-oriented” and should not belong in the New Testament. But the Holy Spirit knows that love is not just a word—but a life. Study this lesson with a prayerful heart. Most of these lessons I have learned the hard way—in the laboratory of life where I have made many mistakes but have also seen God lovingly teach me a better way. I am still learning that “better way” of love.
This message will not cover how to witness to loved ones when they do want to listen. That’s easy, and
you can use a few simple scriptures like John 3:16, Romans 3:23 and Revelation 3:20 to win a family member to Jesus when he or she is eager to listen. This study will help you reach out with action love to loved ones who show no interest in the things of God. One more confession from me is important. For the first 20 years of my Christian life I was a bundle of nerves around my loved ones. I watched for any opening to inject statements about Christ and, if I had a chance to pray at a family gathering I would cover the plan of salvation. (My long prayers didn’t impress any body, especially when the food was getting cold.) Then the Holy Spirit began to change me.
RELAX
I began to relax and realized that God loves my family members much more than I ever could. He’s not pushing the panic button, so why should you or I? God also knows that it takes varying degrees of time to make people hungry and thirsty—some require much more time than others. As you learn to relax, you will begin to enjoy that perfect peace He spoke of in Isaiah 26:3. The Holy Spirit will begin to whisper in your ear that loved ones will be the most difficult to impress and will be true tests of your walk with God. Talk won’t impress them but walk will. They may not care what comes from your lips, but they will study your life.
1. CONSISTENCY
What do you and I want them to see? We want them to see CONSISTENCY. That’s number one. Difficult loved ones will not be impressed if you life is up one day and down the next. For example, an unsaved wife or husband sees the believing mate act sweet one day and angry the next.
Paul said that those who studied him could see “…what manner I have been with you at all seasons.” (Acts 20:18) Is your life consistent or are you a yo-yo Christian—up and down? Is your physical presence clean and an example. How about your home, yard and car? Are you one of the best workers on your job? How do you behave toward loved ones? Do you consistently speak, act and react graciously? One of the biggest complaints from unsaved family members when asked to give an answer why they don’t listen to their Christian loved one is that they don’t see real consistency in that person’s life.
2. BEING REAL
We Christians can be so desperate to see our loved ones saved that we are nervous in their presence. They feel these “religious vibes” and it turns them off. BE REAL
For example, let’s say you have a brother with whom you try to share Christ. He goes with you to a point and then shuts down. He lets you know that he would appreciate you not pushing him any further. What next?
Notice Jesus with His loved ones. Sometimes we forget that He did have loved ones—and according to Scripture “neither did his brethren believe in him.” (John 7:5) Did Jesus push the panic button? There is no record of it—not at all! He knew who He was, what He had, and that if He just loved them unconditionally they would one day wake up to the fact that He was for real.
That’s just what happened and it can happen in your life. Begin to enjoy the company of your loved ones and learn to discuss some of their subjects. That doesn’t mean compromising your principles and committing sin. It could mean talking baseball with your brother or perhaps politics with another loved one who enjoys a debate—(keep it friendly). Become a little more human and you may find loved ones enjoying talking with you more and more. At times they themselves will bring up the things of God and give you a great opportunity to share your testimony.
(To be continued in Part 2)
